Posture

I trust conventional medicine. I believe in numbers, data, studies, and evidence-based medicine. However, even though there is no evidence at all, I did acupuncture during our last tries. It probably had something to do with searching for anything that might work, taking control again. I knew it wouldn't hurt, and who knows, maybe there were things in Chinese medicine I didn’t know yet. I wanted to believe in something. 

I searched for a Chinese doctor and found... let’s say Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee has spent twelve years studying Chinese medicine and has his own practice now. I really had to work on myself a bit to trust him when he looked at my palms and suggested I should do acupuncture and maybe try one or two Chinese herb teas to get my cycle back on track. I gratefully declined the tea, but I agreed to the acupuncture. 

Two to three times a week I laid down on a couch, several small needles were placed in different places of my body, depending on the stimulation date or my cycle, Chinese music was played, and Dr. Lee left me with the words "Sleep! Right?" And there I was, 45 minutes, half asleep, half dozing. I really tried to get into this, tried to feel my body again and to accept whatever might happen during acupuncture. 

All in all, these appointments helped me a lot to go through those tries. It had nothing to do with the acupuncture itself though, honestly, I believe it did not change my cycle or the stimulation at all. (In other cases it might have helped, I don't want to deny that!) It had to do with the structure that came with it. I had to be in a certain place at a certain time in regular intervals. That felt good. 

When the last year started and we wanted to take a break of the stimulation carrousel, I realized how much I was missing these appointments. I got nervous, I was not concentrated any more, I felt kind of lost in my days. I asked myself, what exactly was missing? Obviously, it wasn’t the outcome of the acupuncture itself. I missed having an appointment kind of with myself. I missed something to fill the gap between work and dinner, a tool and structure that made me survive lonely hours in which I didn’t know what to do with myself. 

So, I went out and made appointments again! Not with Dr. Lee though, but at the ballet school. I started ballet class. Since then, I am having appointments again! 

During ballet class I must concentrate for 90 minutes. On the music, on my body, on the rhythm. I feel my body again. I notice how my muscles change, how I take a different posture inside and outside. I stand up straighter, I feel straighter, I am straighter. 

If you change the outside it reflects to the inside and changes the inside, too. 

90minutes, just me, sweating at the ballet bar, I never thought that it would feel so great. Thank you, Dr. Lee!