On my way

 
 

I am on the way.
I don't stop, I keep going. I just keep walking.
 
I am far from having arrived yet and that feels good. It's quite nice to be in motion, to be on the way, on my way to peace with my childlessness, on my way to becoming whole, on the way to myself. 
I am on the way, I am growing, changing, I do not stand still.  
I don't stop, I keep going. I just keep walking.
 
I was going for a walk in the forest with a friend yesterday and she was talking about her life with two children, a husband, herself. How little time she has, what constricts her, why she doesn't see herself at the moment. She lacks space and the freedom just to be. 
I told her about my dilemma, that at the moment I would like more "constraints" and demands from the outside. I have so much time and new spaces I don't really know how I like to fill those spaces yet.
 
I told her that I am no longer the woman who desperately wants to be a mom, but I have not fully arrived at the “without children” either. She put it so appropriately, "You're on your way, from the before to the after and you are probably right in the middle of it right now." 
 
My friend is on her way, too. From just being just a mother to finding herself again, to being a woman. 
I am on the journey from wanting to be a mother to becoming a fully accepted, confident woman. 
Maybe this is a normal thing for women in their 40s, whether they are mothers or not? 
 
Yes, I am on my way.
I don't stop, I keep going. I just keep walking.

 

Comments

  1. Maybe it is a normal thing for women in their 40s? I quite like that idea.

    I texted with my sister the other day and we found out that we are reading books on similar topics. She has three kids, I am childless. I am 42, she is 40. We read books on nutrition, health and the inner child. Maybe it is the decade when we start focusing more on ourselves again (body and soul) instead of fulfilling expectations that others might have?

    I am glad that being on your way feels good for you!

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  2. Yes, I think it IS a thing for women in their 40s and 50s! Being on your way is so wonderful. I'm glad you are looking forward now, at the path ahead, and not looking back over your shoulder.

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  3. Yes, being on your way is so wonderful. Just keep going & walking!

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  4. You and your friend sound really supportive of each other and that is awesome.

    I remember that big sense of space that accepting childlessness started with.

    "I am far from having arrived yet and that feels good." This sentence gives me chills. It's so self-aware, so powerful, and so uplifting.

    You are exactly right: keep going. You don't have to know anything or have anything figured out. Just keep going. <3

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